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  Beautifully Destroyed

  The Beautifully Destroyed Series

  Book 1

  By

  Gracie Wilson

  Life can take you by surprise, it can also put you through hell. My fate was never my own to deal with. It was ruined before I even had a chance. It was a rough start and it hasn’t gotten much better. Hiding behind the walls of my room is how I get through each day. Destroyed doesn’t even begin to describe the way my life has been.

  Finally, I get away and things are looking up. Of course nothing can go right and some things are just too much to bear. In comes the one thing I can’t have. I’ve read so many books and I know the drill. Rock stars and musicians are not for me. I can’t hide when they are always in the light. Something about him makes me want to step into that light, though. He is constantly bringing me to new levels and places I could never imagine.

  The secrets I’ve tried to keep to myself are breaking into my new life. Having him around is helping but the outside world ruins us as well. I either have to take the chance and let him in or push him away once and for all. Every time I pull away he is right back here pushing his way back in. He is relentless, he is everything I shouldn’t have. Those secrets I tried to keep hidden begin to surface, bringing havoc to our lives. The world so desperately wants to keep us apart and I might just let it to keep my secrets.

  Do I sit back and let the world pass me by or do I finally let those wounds heal and have the life he thinks I deserve?

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved.

  Beautifully Destroyed

  Copyright 2015 © Gracie Wilson

  Published by Beau Coup Publishing

  http://beaucoupllcpublishing.com

  Cover by JRA Stevens

  For Beau Coup Publishing

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

  “Sometimes it takes being truly destroyed to start over. Only then can you build again.”

  Chapter One

  Walking up to the doors, I feel my panic rising. Looking around, I see students all lugging their bags out of the cars. The move-in staff gives them trolleys to bring their belongings up to their rooms and they all just look so excited. Not me. I’m doing this because it’s what is expected of me. The University of Pennsylvania, or PennU as they call it, is my new home. Harnwell College House, the place to start over. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  “Are you sure about this, Fate?” I turn to see the only family I really have left. Clarissa was my child welfare worker. There was a time I needed saving and she was that savior. “We can just get back in the car and head back home. You don’t have to do this if you are not ready. You’re only eighteen, you’re still just a child.” Her words ground me.

  “We both know I haven’t been just a child in a long time. I need to do this. As much as I need to start over.” I see that my words cause her to frown, no doubt hurting her at the same time. “Clarissa, I will call you every day, I will visit, and you can come visit too. This isn’t goodbye.” A normal person may get teary at this point, but I learned a long time ago that tears only cause more pain.

  “Fate, I know this isn’t goodbye, you’re stuck with me for life,” she says with a small smile. “I just wish you weren’t so far away, is all.” I give her a look, and she holds her hands up in defense. “I know why you choose to be this far and I agree, but that doesn’t mean I like it.”

  Walking over to her, I embrace her and let the warmth of her hug calm me. She has been the only person I have let in or touch me in a very long time. “Well, no time like the present. Let’s get you moved in, shall we?” I just laugh at her fake cheer. I know she is struggling to keep her composure right now.

  We unload the car and I stand there with the trolley as she goes to park the car in the provided parent parking area. Looking around, I see the hustling of all the families and some already saying goodbye. Clarissa comes up behind me, and I push the trolley along with us. Here we go, Fate, time to start again.

  Looking at the door, I again glance down at my paper to double-check I have the right room. Taking my key, I open the door and step inside with Clarissa right behind me. The room ahead of me is nothing extraordinary. It is a small sitting room with a couch and armchair on one side, a table with two chairs on the other, with a fridge and microwave. On each side, I see bedroom doors directly across from each other and a bathroom just off the back of the main room. Nothing special but it’s mine. Well, my roommate’s and mine.

  “It appears the roommate isn’t here yet, so we get to pick which room. Which one do you want?” Clarissa says joyfully. I know she is truly excited for me to be taking this step, even though it will be putting some distance between us.

  “Left side.” Why I said it I don’t know, but something told me to go left so I did. Walking over to the door, I open it and the room is small. One single bed and dresser, a desk and chair, some shelves but nothing fancy. All well-used and that is completely fine with me.

  Over the next few hours, we unpack all my belongings. My room looks exactly the way I thought it would. My bedding is green with dots and the wall decorations make my room come off as very nature themed. Just what I wanted since nature has always had a way to soothe me. Other than a picture of Clarissa and me, there aren’t any other personalized effects.

  “Does this mean I have to go now?” She looks at me with such sad eyes because we both know that time has come.

  “Looks like it, but we should probably eat first,” I say in a last ditch effort to prolong my time with her, even though I know it will only be for an hour more. I’m just not ready to let her go yet. She just smiles and leads the way out of my new home. There are so many food options that it takes us about forty minutes to decide. We pick a little Italian place, but many others have been saved for when she visits me. Standing outside of my building, the night sky has slowly crept up on us. “Promise you will only drive for a few hours before you stop again.”

  Clarissa shakes her head while laughing. “I thought worrying was my job.” Smiling, I walk up to her and hug her as tight as I can. She returns with her own tight squeeze. “If you ever want to come home just call and I will come get you.” I nod into her, and she brushes her hand across the back on my head. “If you need anything call me, promise me.”

  “I promise.” As she lets go and walks over to her car, I feel the stir of emotions coming through my walls, but I quickly reinforce the walls of my heart. Get it together, Fate. These walls are all that keep me from feeling everything; I can’t even let the good in because the bad comes with it. She gets into the car and I see tears in her eyes as she waves and begins to drive off.

  I stand there for a bit just watching the cars continue on their way, wishing I’m not alone, but knowing it had to come to this, so why not just get it over with. There comes a time when you have to just say, screw it, world, I’m here. Well, at least that’s what my mom used to tell me.

  Turning around, I walk into my building and head to my room. Walking in again it doesn’t feel exciting. It just feels lonely. The lights are all on. Thankfully, I thought ahead and didn’t turn
them off when I left. Continuing on to my room, I shut and lock the door behind me, then plop on my bed. I’m exhausted, but I won’t sleep. I can’t. Not yet. So I pull out my computer and start looking into my new surroundings. PennU is definitely different than anything I’ve ever dealt with before. When I’m done researching this new city, I pull out a book and begin reading.

  Just as I’m finishing my book, the sun starts coming up. Once finished, I get up to turn the lights off. Looking out the window, I see students are still moving in today and I know I will soon meet my roommate, Cameron. I both dread this and am excited. Back home I didn’t really have friends. Not after everyone knew what happened. So I just focused on school and reading. Now I get to start over, so I’m hoping she and I can be friends. When you apply, they try to match you up with someone with similar interests, so that you are compatible. Hopefully, the computers are right because I could use someone to talk to here. Climbing into my bed, I quickly fall asleep in the brightness of the day.

  Bang.

  My eyes flutter open and I look at my clock. It’s just after one o’clock and I’ve slept a good six hours.

  Bang. Bang.

  The noises coming from the other room are loud, telling me that she’s here. I go to the door and open it to introduce myself, but I can’t see her. She must be in her room. I walk across the room and go to lean against the door. “Hey—” I almost fall over at the sight and without thinking, I yelp. I run back to my room and slam the door behind me. I’ve just made the biggest fool of myself. Looking down, I notice I’m still in my pajamas. They are a small pair of shorts with a tank top. They’re comfy and have little kitties all over them. I never thought to get dressed because I didn’t expect her to not be alone. Duh. People have people. Just not me.

  A quiet knock comes at my door, startling me. I turn and slowly open the door and see the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen. He has short dark brown hair, pale skin, and from what I can see a very well developed body. His eyes, wow they are the brightest shade of blue I’ve ever seen. The thoughts make my heart race and not in a good way. Breathe.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He looks genuine and gives me a small smile. God, he has dimples. No man should look like this and he definitely shouldn’t be looking at me the way he is. I begin to squirm under his gaze and for a moment, I forget I’m in my pajamas. I quickly bring my arms across my chest. Real smooth. He tries to hide it, but he chuckles a bit. I slink away from him, pulling myself farther into my room using the door to cover me a bit.

  “It’s okay,” I say quietly, trying not to look at him. He puts a set of earplugs on the shelf right next to my door. I give him an odd look, asking him to elaborate. Talking to men is not something I do. When he doesn’t, I have no choice but to talk.

  “She’s a snorer?” I ask, hoping he’s just giving them to me so that his girlfriend or sister and I don’t run into any roommate issues.

  Again, he chuckles. “Maybe…” he says, and I look at him in confusion. “Well, you must be Fate,” he says, sticking out his hand for me to shake. I look to him and hesitate. Time to be normal, Fate. Taking a deep breath, I place my hand in his and shake it firmly.

  “Yes, I am,” I say with a shy smile.

  “Great, that’d be weird if someone else was in your room, right?” he says with a chuckle. “I’m Cameron.” My breath catches and I pull my hand away.

  What…the…hell…

  Chapter Two

  “Cameron is a boy…” Clarissa says from the other end of the phone.

  “Yes, a boy. How did that happen?” I say in a panic. This cannot be happening. Me, living with a man. Well, that’s just going to be an anxiety problem.

  “I told you that box meant Gender as in co-ed living, not the sexual orientation of your roommate. But you wouldn’t listen, you were all, ‘I don’t care as long as we get along.’ Well, babe, the computers seem to think you will get alone with Cameron…who is a man. Not a boy. Since the age on the fact sheet said twenty-one.” She is enjoying this. I was determined to do this University thing and all the joyous paperwork alone. I didn’t even talk to her about it till I’d sent it in.

  “You’re not helping. I can’t live with a boy—”

  “Man,” she chimes in.

  “Fine. Man. I can’t live with a man and you know that. Maybe I could ask for a new roommate,” I say hopefully. “Or just give up and come home.”

  “No, you can’t get a new roommate and no you aren’t coming home. I know I told you to, but I think you need to do this.” Well, that’s a change in attitude. “You can do this, Fate. Remember, you’re starting over. No one can see your scars unless you let them. It’s time to get out into the world. Just maybe this computer thought a guy was the way to go.”

  “I will try, or hide in my room the whole semester. He gave me ear plugs, so either he snores or he’s a partier,” I say to Clarissa quietly so he doesn’t hear me gossiping about him.

  “I should be concerned with you living so close to a man, but I know this is a struggle for you. Take the bull by the horns and ride it...” She pauses.

  “Did you just—”

  “No. Well, yes. I did say it, but I didn’t mean ride him! I may still see you as a child sometimes, but you’re an adult now and that’s something adults do. So I guess you may have those experiences.” She continued babbling, as she was uncomfortable with this conversation. “If you want to I guess you could do that. Ride that bull—”

  “I am not going to ride him, Clarissa!” I yell.

  Knock knock.

  “Ride who, Fate?” Cameron says slyly from behind my door.

  “Oh great, thanks, Clarissa, he heard me,” I say quietly into the phone.

  “Oh goodness. Well, that will be an awkward thing to explain. Have fun with that, you can do this, I promise.” I say my goodbyes and decide now is as good a time as any to leave my room. Especially since I heard him go out the door. I grab my clothes and get my bathroom stuff together. Hopefully, I can get ready and be gone by the time he gets back. He…a man. Looking around, I see he’s made himself at home. He’s not messy, but he has a rather large flat screen and quite the Blu-ray collection.

  Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I walk into the bathroom. I’m stunned when I run into something hard, causing me to open my eyes but still almost knocking me on my behind. Warm wet arms catch me before I hit the ground. I let out a groan and I look up to see him holding me with a smirk on his face. I’m unable to help my wandering eyes. I see that he has a large spiral tribal looking tattoo on the left side of his chest. I see some words but the only one that I can read is judge. He makes a small cough to let me know he’s caught me looking at him.

  “If you wanted to join me you’re a little late, but...I could always get back in?” he says with a wicked grin on his face.

  “I…oh…I mean…sorry…” I mumble.

  “Fate, I’m kidding. I should have locked it. I’m just not used to having a roommate. I will try to remember from now on,” he says sincerely, but all I do is nod. It’s hard to concentrate as he still has his hands on me. It’s causing my body to panic at the closeness of someone else to me. Breathe, Fate.

  I continue to try to calm myself but it’s no use. I pull myself out of his grip and turn to leave the bathroom. He grabs my wrist, and I just look at him. I’m sure he can see in my face that I’m barely holding it together. I pull away and walk to my room. Throwing on the desk everything that I had taken with me to the bathroom, I turn and lock the door. There’s only one thing I can do now…crawl under the blankets and hope the world swallows me up. He probably thinks I’m a freak. If only I could deny it. I am a freak. One who can’t be touched by others, among all the other issues I have. Maybe this is all too soon.

  Knock knock. “Fate, I’m going to get something to eat for dinner. Do you want to come?” I hear such pity in his voice. This isn’t because he wants to. It is because he feels like he upset me.
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br />   “I’m just really tired. I’m going to take a nap.” I hear him shuffling at the door. The knob begins to jiggle and I know he’s trying to open the door. “Maybe another time,” I say, hoping this will appease him.

  “Tomorrow, after all of our classes?” My heart picks up speed because I know I’m going to have to say yes. I can’t blow off my roommate.

  “Screw it, world, I’m here,” I quietly repeat my mom’s words.

  “What?” Oh crap, he heard me.

  “Yeah, that sounds good. Tomorrow then.” What did I just get myself into? I hear him backing away from the door and my body begins to relax again. I hear the door shut, so I sneak to peek out my bedroom door. He seems to be gone. Grabbing my shower things, I make my way back to the bathroom. The door is open, so at least I know I won’t be having a run-in like earlier. Locking the door, I quickly take my shower and hustle back to my room before I run into Cameron again tonight. It’s still so bright out here and the city just seems to be starting its day. I get into my pajamas again and sit on my bed with my book. I feel my eyes getting heavy, I should have slept more today.

  My eyes spring open and I’m in a cold sweat. Someone is shaking me and it causes me to scream even louder than I already was.

  “Fate, it’s me, Cameron,” he says, trying to soothe me but this only causes my panic to escalate. It’s dark in my room. I must have nodded off and slept longer than I planned. I had forgotten to lock the door and turn the light on.

  “Light, please,” I whisper between breaths. He quickly gets up and flicks the light on. He comes right back to sit on my bed with me. With the light turned on, I see he is just wearing a pair of pajama pants, leaving his whole chest bare. I finally get a chance to see his tattoo. It covers his heart and some of his shoulder. The words say ‘No Judgment’ surrounded by the intricate design. He was sleeping. Looking over at the clock, I see it is after midnight. I must have been exhausted to sleep that long. “I’m sorry I woke you,” I sputter.